How to Train Your Human
Okay, listen up. I'll only say this once. Humans think they are training us, but in reality, they will do what we train them to do. Take fetch, for instance.
My human, who I will call mom (but she's not my real mom) throws the ball to me. I run after it because it's fun. After I pick it up I look at her. She's making all kinds of weird noises and yelling, "Come Jazzy" This is where most of my friends go wrong. They run back to their moms.
No! You cannot do that, well not every time, that is. Every once in a while you should, to let them think they are teaching you something, but the better thing to do is stand where you are and drop the ball. Eventually, they will understand that they need to come and fetch it themselves and throw it again.
And use your nose, friends. If the humans aren't carrying food, you don't have to do anything! Take it from me, they will soon realize that you work for treats and nothing else. Yes, you can, every now and then, listen and get a good pat on the head, but don't do that often or they will get used to it.
The last thing I want to explain is the food situation. Why they think that hard kibble they drop in our bowls is good for us, I don't know. Don't eat it. Humans are notorious for feeling sorry for us. Work on the LOOK. Put your ears down, tilt your nose down but look up with your eyes. For good measure, lift your paw. They can't help themselves when you do that and will, most likely, give you their food. It's softer, tastier, and much warmer to eat.
This ends the lesson for the day.
If you have any questions, bark out loud.